Monday, May 26, 2008

Haven't spoken to my son in a few days... but I trust no news is good news.

Spent the weekend hanging out with my girlfriend's parents and siblings. Can only hope I've made a good impression... Dad asked me about my pending divorce... interesting question since I've come within a hair of separating from my girlfriend on a few occasions within the last couple of months... not because I don't love her, but because I question her true feelings for me. Shit... I haven't been in the situation that my 'other half' was the one with the questions... it's always been me (at least since I was 17) that has been trying to pull myself away from a relationship without a future... my torture is that this is a woman that I want to marry... no doubt about it... want to spend the rest of my days getting annoyed with her indecisiveness, quietly hating the silly voice she uses when I'm irked that grates on my nerves, and gritting my teeth when I'm waiting for her to get out of work and I'm standing on the corner for a half hour... 45 minutes.... longer. Yes, all of these things and more... for all the stress and strain that we've both been through... for all the tears and hurt feelings that we've suffered... I still want to spend the rest of my life with her... can't imagine what my life would be like without her.... I just don't really know how she feels.

And here comes the summer.

bleh.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

I have always tried to trust in the belief that life is neither fair nor unfair, it just is. It is up to us to determine what we like and don't like, what we choose to change or not change, what we tolerate and not. Otherwise, life simply is.

But some days that's real difficult. Some days I can't help but believe that life is so bloody difficult... and wonder what I did in this or a past life to deserve such turmoil.

Guess it's selfish of me to think that way... who the hell am I to think that the cosmos is plotting against me... that I am the only one walking against the path of the beam... that things should go my way regardless of what goes on around me.

Well, I guess I must turn to another time-tested, mother approved adage: shit happens.